Aspirations

My life from the very beginning was not like many others. In fact, my peculiar beginning served as an homage to what the rest of my existence would be. Loving mother, doting but deaf older brother, affectionate little sister, large home, eight maids, chauffeur, and private school. Before the age of seven, anything me and my siblings could think to ask for my mother would procure with the same fluidity and efficacy of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat. That is, until our feet touched American soil. From then on, our lives began to circle the theoretical drain and, as the years progressed, sucked us in one by one. My sister and I are still caught in the whirlpool of life, ever wondering when our turn into the perpetual tunnel of darkness will be.

After my mother's departure from this world, quickly followed by my brother, my sister and I swiftly learned the cruelty present in this world. At the age when most children are shielded from the horrors of life and affinity for humans to do harm by their innocence and naivety, my sister and I were caught in a nightmare. While this rambling of my woes is inconsequential to the decline of my health, it does serve the purpose of telling why I am the way I am and why my deepest thoughts and actions differ so drastically from others. From being spoiled to living in a home where affording electricity was not a right but a privilege. The many years of accumulated hospital bills acquired due to my mom's declining health and the thievery of someone every child should be able to trust left us destitute.

Because of this, we were forced to lean on supposed "friends" and distant relatives who saw the opportunity to neglect, mentally abuse, and sexually harass a couple of minors under the age of fourteen. Thus, leaving us shellshocked, anxious, depressed, and suffering from childhood trauma causing PTSD. Now, I cannot sleep without being awoken by nightmares. I did not include any of this information as a technique to induce pity for my sister and me but to provide you with a reason as to why when I say I grew up numb and only being able to feel anger, you can understand why. Throughout high school, I felt nothing. As graduation approached and my peers' made plans for their future, I planned for literally nothing. I never intended to see the age of eighteen.

However, with the support of my teachers and the little friends I had, I opted to begin college. Although I told everyone who asked that I wanted to be a doctor, the full truth is I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up from the nightmare that had become my life. When that didn't happen, I stood before a map, closed my eyes, and pointed. Wherever my finger landed is where I would go. That is how I miraculously shifted one aspect of my life while un-knowingly setting another aspect, my health, up for failure. Two years later, my sister joined me.

Fast forward to my awakening in the ICU surrounded by my soulmate and his family. A group of people who had become the family my sister and I had wished for during what was previously the worst years of our lives. During the following week in that hospital bed, I met a fantastic nurse that would go on to change my career. This nurse showed me the difference I can go on to make in many people's lives. So, an hour after I was discharged from the hospital, I was sitting in a Nursing school's office filling out my paperwork. This colossal step was not scary for me. No part of it was ever terrifying for me. To some, it was because they perceived me as intelligent. To others, it was a destined path set in place by my God-given "gifts." Truth be told, it was because, for the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted to do and knew without a doubt this was where God had planned for me to end up.